The Problem of the Love Scene

Ooookay. I wrote that love scene. But somehow I really didn’t want to (even though, as I have probably mentioned before, generally enjoy writing love scenes): it just seemed all so tedious to go through the whole motions, “here he enters the room, they kiss, do some panting, some flinging off of clothes, too (enter some descriptions of his splendid physique!), more heavy hankypanky ensues, will he give her her first orgasm already at this stage? orally? manually? or what? and then they sink down on the bed, and … oh … hm … *scratching my head* wham-bam (usually with with rupturing a hymen which is, for some reason or other, not where those things are usually located, but somewhere really high up in her … uhm … honeypot), she sighs … nah, yells … screams (don’t all romance heroines scream when they orgasm?), and he roars … groans … or whatever he feels like doing when he’s coming (perhaps she’s pushed her stocking into his mouth?), they sink down into the pillows in heavenly bliss.”

And into all that, throw some emotions, which will further the plot, tell us something about the characters, etc. Oh yes, and most important of all: BE IMAGINATIVE & ORIGINAL!


No, I really, really didn’t feel up to it. So instead of writing a fully sketched love scene, I only wrote the fore-foreplay section involving The Horrible Histories of the Rhine:

“Read me … read me your favourite scene so far.”

“My favourite –“


Amy tried to clear her befuddled mind. Gracious, he was only touching her hand so far, but her body already went up in flames. “The …” She licked her lips. “The episode when Markander saves fair Alexandie from the horrible lindworm.”

“Read it.” Each word a carress. “Read it to me.” He drew back, his gaze intense. “Please.” His hand slipped from hers. “Please.” [NOTE: Waaaaaaaah! This is so cheesy! *headdesk-headdesk-headdesk*]

How could she deny him then? Even though she would have preferred if he just kissed her. She fumbled a little with the pages until she had found the correct one. “N-noble Markander, like a bold and daring hero, then entered the valley where the dragon had his abode,” Amy began haltingly.