Revisions Part 2: Knife or No Knife?

Today I tried to figure out what I want to do with the ending of WOLFENBACH. Remember the scene I mentioned a few weeks ago? The one where the heroine grabs a knife to threaten the semi-villain of the piece? That one hit the floor before I handed the ms in, but now I’m thinking about putting it in again. What do you think? Can a nice romance heroine grab a knife and hold it to somebody else’s throat?

As if in a dream, Cissy turned and spotted the big knife lying on Cook’s kitchen table. Very slowly she reached out. Her fingers closed around the handle, so cool against her hot skin. And the next moment the razor sharp edge of the knife rested against the vulnerable flesh of XY’s throat. XY lost all remaining color, turned ashen grey, with the eyes bulging out.

“Now what exactly did ZZ promise you?” Cissy said, still in that calm, calm voice, which seemed to come from very far away. Somehow, it didn’t seem to be her voice at all.

The air whistled through XY’s nose.

Cissy pressed the knife a little tighter against the skin. “Talk.” A drop of blood appeared where the edge had nipped the skin. It ran into the hollow at the base of XY’s throat. For the blink of an eye, it hung there, red and glittering, like an exotic gemstone, before it slipped down and was soaked up by the neckline of XY’s clothes. [Okay, clothes doesn’t really fit in here, but I can’t really tell you whether XY is wearing a shirt or a dress, can I?]

So what do you think? Leave it in or throw it out?

8 thoughts on “Revisions Part 2: Knife or No Knife?

  1. Kate

    I like it. Will your editor?

    Although you’ll have to remember to change “XY lost all remaining color, turned ashen grey, with the eyes bulging out” to “…with HIS/HER eyes bulging out”. =)

    Happy New Year!

  2. Sandy

    Kate, the whole passage was XY-/”the-eyes”-fied only for blogging purposes. :O)

    Well, Schrumpfkopf, you can’t know, of course, but hey, if you’d like to read the whole ms tonight instead of making the curry (which you’ll make next weekend for your dear, lovely, wonderful colleagues next weekend), I’d be more than happy to send it to you. ;O)

    I guess the whole thing was just a panicky in-the-middle-of-revisions question. Revisions always make me nervous.

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