Revisions in Action, Part 1

Regarding one particular scene, my editor’s notes read: “I wanted a more intense reaction on Charlie’s part. And she can realize that’s why he doesn’t seem interested in other things most young men of his kind would be […].”

So, among other things, I added a few more sentences to the following paragraph (additions in colour):

Too shocked to speak, Charlie stared at her. This was truly monstrous! The poor man! She remembered the lines of strain in his face that evening in those moments when his polite mask had slipped. No wonder he looked like three days of rain!  In his situation anybody could be excused if they suffered from an attack of the blue devils. Merely thinking about the gross injustice done to him made her feel sick.

(Also, Tortured Hero alert!)