If you belong to those people who think romance authors produce bad prose, especially when it comes to love scenes, well then, read the following sex scenes by oh-so-wonderful mainstream authors and … shudder, shriek, and run away (and probably be afraid, too) (very afraid!):
“His was that her cunt did not feel like Phyllis’s. Smoother, somehow simpler, its wetness less thick, less of a sauce, more of a glaze.” (from VILLAGES by John Updike)
How yucky is that, I ask you? The next one is more ridiculous than yucky:
“In reply, Boonyi pulled her phiran and shirt off over her head and stood before him naked except for the little pot of fire hanging low, below her belly, heating further what was already hot. ” (from SHALIMAR THE CLOWN by Salman Rushdie)
And this one is bound to give you nightmares:
“. . . and the suddenness of it, the snaking of her tongue, the pressure of her lips, the hot grip of her mouth, triggered his orgasm, which was not juice at all but a demon eel thrashing in his loins and swimming swiftly up his cock, one whole creature of live slime fighting the stiffness as it rose and bulged at the tip and darted into her mouth.” (from BLINDING LIGHT by Paul Theroux)
Further gems can be found here , all of them on the longlist of the Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction award.